The Bowtied One's Fall Picks for Guys! A list for guys or the ladies dress them.

     Wow! Where did summer go?  It's getting cooler,the leaves are beginning to change, and suddenly you are beginning to realize that you either hate all of your fall clothes, or that you don't really have a fall wardrobe, or your fed up with your man looking like a lumberjack.  Well never fear! QtheBowtiedOne has put together his list of must haves for guys for the colder months ahead.
  O.k. guys! I'm going to make this easy for you.  It's a simple list and dont break your wallet.  Looking like a J. Crew or a Ralph Lauren is all cute, and a bit pretentious, but I'd rather eat and pay my grown folk bills than pay 140.00 for an Oxford dress shirt.  So shop around and find the deals and if if the fit isn't exactly there, go visit a dry cleaner, most do alterations and they can give you that perfect fit so you'll look like a million bucks without spending that.
Alright, I got distracted, THE LIST!

1. A Corduroy Blazer. Navy, tan, or brown.  They go with everything,, easy to layer, look hot. and chic.   Guys remember when buying a blazer that if it doesn't fit in the shoulders DO NOT BUY IT! Its a very expensive and difficult alteration to fix that.  Put that ill fitting blazer down and find one that fits you properly.   Here's your check list so you know your blazer fits. The sleeves should hit right at the top of the wrist and with your arms straight down you should just be able to cup the bottom of the jacket.  You should have enough room in it to be able to wear a sweater over a shirt if you wanted to and it not look bulky.   I love these blazers cause you can dress them up or down. Wear it with a proper dress shirt or an Oxford. Khakis or jeans. Perfect.
2.Dark blue jeans.   I prefer straight leg cause they look best with dress shoes and I rarely wear sneakers, but when I'm feeling sporty, I know I'll look good.   One great pair of plain non distressed jeans will get you very far.  They hold their color and look more expensive than they may be.  I've never paid over 60.00 for a pair of jeans and I'll shoot myself in the face before I do.  the trick is not how much you spend, but once again the FIT.  Try on a bunch of different pairs, brands, and fits and bring  either your most honest friend or your enemy so when you find that right fit even they can't find a fault.   Don't be shy, buy a few pairs if the price is right, that way if shit happens to your jeans you don't have to cut a bitch, you know you have 5 more of the same size and cut in your closet. DON"T JUDGE ME!
3. A nice suit. NOT BLACK. better choices are grey, navy, even brown.  I'm tiny so the slim/skinny are the only suits that don't make me look like I'm wearing my dad's hand me down suit.  You aleready got your guidelines for the jacket, here's your fitting guide for the pants.  Don't try to be bigger or smaller than you really are.  If you have a 32 in waist don't squeeze into 30 and if you have a 38 inch waist don't get a 40.  Get the size that fits you right now..  The pant leg should break right at the top of your dress shoes.   Did I mention to BRING YOUR DRESS SHOES WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO SHOPPING FOR A SUIT.  How are you going to judge how you will look when in your ratty sneaks? Unless you will be wearing your sneakers with your suit.  Which can work.   If you are of this persuasion the sneakers of choice are good old fashioned Chuck Taylors. Done.
4. A great cardigan.  Color of choice navy or tan.  You can wear throughout fall and winter and into spring if they are light. Pair with a dress shirt, t-shirt, oxford, remember that cord balzer you have ? Perfect always.  I found a cardigan on sale at H&M and I loved it so much, I bought it in every color.

5. A bulky comfy sweater.  If you see a great bulky warm sweater grab it! I'm currently on the hunt for a fisherman's sweater.   You want something for those days when you want to look casual yet comfy and pulled together.  you can pull it on grab your scarf and pea coat and know you look good.

6. Leather loafers.  I love loafers cause they are so versitile.   Black, brown, or tan.  I prefer brown because I love the way the color gets as you break them in.  When shopping for loafers, go after you've to work or on your feet.  That way if your feet swell then you are getting the size that will take that into account.  But remeber as you wear them they will loosen up so go a little snug.
7.Good fitting dress shirts.   There is no excuse for an ill fitting dress shirt.  there are so many cuts and fits to choose from now a days.  For most I think the slim fit is best.  They taper in on the sides and don't do that annoying bunching thing quite as bad as some of the other fits.  If you have a bunch of dress shirts at home that just don't fit you the way you'd like.  Once again hit up your dry cleaners and get them altered. To take a shirt in a little bit is a pretty inexpensive fix. BTW the sleeve should reach just below your wrist.
8.A navy coat.  Find a pea coat, fisherman's jacket, whatever in navy, you'll get fine.   Great and easy to wear with layers and warm.
   So these are my must haves for guys.  Don't worry ladies I haven't forgotten about you all. Your list is coming up.  So stay tuned!

Sit and Sip! P.O.A.S.A.Reflect!

   To the nasty monkey riding the bus in Harlem yesterday with me. You need to pop open a Snapple and reflect on the fact that you are not as smart, funny, nor cute as you think you are.  Picking on the young lady with Down's syndrome  was absurd enough because you were no vision of beauty,but while you sit and sip, I wanted to point a few things out to you.

1. You teased her clothes,yet you weren't wearing anything of a recognizable brand. You were wearing way too tight jeans, old high tops, and a hoodie.  She was wearing cute navy slacks, a button-up and a cardigan. 

2.Her bag may not have been designer, but it wasn't fake like yours!

3.You and your pack teased her hair, but she had a very nice weave, pretty and fresh, yet you were sporting a very stingy ponytail.

4.You of course made fun of her face, yet her make up was lovely and well done and your face, well let me put it this way, I've seen better skin on a lumberjack's ass. I wanted to throw  ProActive on you as a charitable act!

   Clearly she is doing much better for herself than you are.   I hope that teasing her made you feel real good about yourself, because in my eyes and the eyes of everyone else on that bus you are nothing more than a disgusting hood rat that deserves to stay in the gutter.   So sit in a corner pop open a Snapple and reflect on that!

Much love,

Q

BTW!

More posting coming up this week.  I would love to say I've been on vacation, but that wasn't the case.   Anyway, I back and my claws are sharper than ever.  QtheBowtiedOne is back! Don't forget to follow and share! Let's grow together.

P.O.A.SNAPPLE & REFLECT!

Hey kids! Well this is a very special edition of Pop Open A Snapple And Reflect! This occurred at around 9:00pm and what you are about to read is almost exactly what I told him. enjoy!

To the older gentleman sharing a hospital room with me. I understand that English is not a language that you understand and use often so I went to the nurses' station and found one that can speak Spanish to translate what I'm about to say to you.
1. After the nurse specifically told you to not move you decided to not listen and fell onto the hard floor.  Who got you help?
2.I understand that you are pretty much deaf.  Who didn't ask you to turn off your TV , but instead offered you headphones?
3. Since I'm by the window and you are by the bathroom, who would wait till morning to use the bathroom so that I wouldn't have to to turn on the lights at night to disturb you.
4.who doesn't complain when you keep your TV  on and blasting ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT LONG,calls nurses for you when your IV beeps so the alarm doesn't keep going off
The list goes on and on.
The reason I went to the nurses station and found a nurse that speaks Spanish is because I want to make sure you understand every damn word that comes out of my mouth!    I'm the one that does and did all those tings for you, because I was raised to be respectful of my neighbors and my elders.  I didn't know what you were here for and I was trying tot be polite.  But, apparently you don't care.   You need to pop open a Snapple, sit in a corner, and reflect on the fact that you are getting ripped a new asshole in English and Spanish right now while in the hospital because you are a disrespectful, rude,old bastard who doesn't know how to speak to people and thinks people have to be nicer to you because you're old and that you'll get a away with your rude comments and behavior because you claim you don't understand English and what is going on.  But, you seemed to know what was going on when you decided to yell at my visitors and myself earlier and amazingly it was in English.   Wow, a miracle!   When my guest were here you were gone and we didn't know you had returned.  If we were too loud all you had to do was make you return known and we would've quieted down or even gone to the lounge.  You would rather scream and yell and make a scene. Making my guest uncomfortable.  Now you have a very angry guy educating you while you are crapping your hospital gown.  I once had a great shrink named Dr. Weiss and he told me that the happiest people you'll ever meet are assholes. They don't care about anyone else just themselves and are blind to what is being done for them and feel entitled to treat people any which way.  While being kind to you the only thing that was happening was making me uncomfortable and I was the one going without.  Well you sir are an asshole and you better learn to think twice before you decide to disrespect my friends or myself.  I'm not having a good time here and my give a damn is very thin.  If you show your ass like that again I will make sure that the rest of your time in this hospital will not be a pleasant one.  I will do my best to make sure that you are as uncomfortable as you have been making me. 
   I'm sorry I had to embarrass you this way, but I went got a translator so that there would be no chance of miscommunication.  So sit there and reflect and hopefully when your hospital stay is over you feel a bit better and also leave a better person.
You don't need to say anything because you said plenty earlier.  
So Sip!

You need to sit in a corner, pop open a Snapple and REFLECT!

     Hey kids. I know I've been a little m.i.a as of late and I apologize! Things have been a little crazy but I think it's all finally settling down a bit.  I've only got a bit of time today so I'm going to introduce a new segment to the blog.  It's called "You need to sit in a corner and pop open a Snapple and reflect!" 

    If any of you have or get to spend any time with me you very well may have heard me end a rant with that statement.  So it's YOUR chance to email me a brief description of your problem, be it a person, a place, or thing, and I will kindly discuss the situation, as only TheBowtiedOne, can just for you. It will get posted on the blog and on my twitter. I will keep your names private cause I don't you getting your ass kicked, nor do I feel like getting mine kicked!  So don't be afraid send in whatever pissed you off that day or moment and let me handle it! If you can get a picture of the problem EVEN BETTER!  Screaming child during the middle of a movie, rudeness, snotty salespeople, the police, your boss, cable company, ugly person talking about the way you look. you get the point.

Here is today's.

To the lovely flower that decided that she would go about her business on one of the hottest days in NYC, dressed like she was 16 years old and wears a size 3, sitting on the "A" train. You need to sit in a corner, pop open a Snapple, and reflect on the fact that you aren't 16 and a size 3, you are about 53 and size XXL.  Somewhere in your mind you feel it is acceptable to leave your house wearing shorts so short that not only I, but quite a few passengers could see your change purse due to the fact that you could not close your legs. I understand that it was a hot day,but a nice decent pair of adult shorts would do.  You also stink.   How dare you vocally comment on how the train smells. News flash! It is you. The only way I can describe the unholy stench that was coming from your body was to imagine that Satan had some bad sushi, and from that a little smelly midget was born, it crawled into one of your orifices and died, came back to life, farted, then died again, and is still rotting somewhere on you. A sprinkle a day DOES keep odor away.  The only kind thing I can say to you is that your wig looked good. Maybe you should spend less money on your lace front and more money on clothes that fit and soap. Don't be mad. This isn't an attack. I just want you to sit in a corner, pop open an nice refreshing Snapple, and reflect on what i have just said to you.

 Also, I've been super busy getting ready for my first fall fashion edition.   this will be in two parts for guys and gals!  I'm so excited about this because it will have how to videos and everything.  Granted it may be made via video phone, but it will be fun!  If you want to be a part email me. The fashion edition will have my must have picks, tips, shopping hints, and advice.  Trust me times are hard so I'm going to this about looking your best while still being  able to afford to eat!

   You can also be apart of my world by sending in your pictures and saying,"help" I will choose a picture and will do talk about whats working for ya and what's not.  Don't be shy.  Let me be your G.B.F that goes shopping with ya and tell you the truth! Need make up tips, not sure about a outfit, wondering people give you strange looks when you walk out of the door? Let me be the one to give it to you straight.

There is more in the works so follow, comment, subscribe, and share. 

Thanks Y'all

-Q

Last Night A Showtune Changed My Life

    Well it is no secret that I'm a big ole show queen! If it has anything to do with the theatre or musical theatre I'm there.   When I lived in Columbus, OH, I would got to Showtunes Sunday at Union Station, now called U.  I would meet my friends and we drink some drinks, eat some food, and spend way to many hours watching clips of all things musical.  It was a great way to end the weekend and often led to very hungover Monday! 

  *Note to my Ohio followers.   Check out U in the short north for Showtunes Sunday!  It's been a while since I've been, but I think they still have it.

   When I moved to NYC, I was happy to discover a night like that at Splash Bar on 17th and 6th.   Every Monday starting at 7:00pm the super sweet VJ John Bantay, who is no stranger to the Broadway stage himself, creates an amazing night of fun for the show queens and newbies alike. 

   I am often teased because I rarely miss a Monday.  Chances are if you need to find me between the hours of 7 and 11pm on Mon. I'm there.  But what people don't realize is that for me, its not just about the great videos, happy hour, and all that jazz.  It's the community, the energy, and the chance to reconnect. 

   I live less than one block away from my friend of almost 7 years and I rarely get to hang out. Sure we text, maybe chat phone call, but its tough meeting up, I have friends that I met in Ohio that now live in the city and I see them even less. The different schedules and the hustle and the bustle just makes it impossible!  The one thing we all know is that on Musical Monday nights at Splash we will get a chance to see each other, catch up, enjoy some tunes, sit, bitch, argue, sometimes cry, and of course laugh.  It's our chance to reconnect in this "City of Strangers."

  VJ John  B also does something else for me. He helps me forget the bad day or previous week I may have had, forget about new medical bills I have to pay, the student loan that's gonna make my paycheck disappear, etc... And if only for a moment, live in a musical life of where people express their joys and sorrows in song, dance, and acting.  It's kinda like Church of the Sacred Showtunes.  It seems that whatever I may be going through, something will get shown that will "preach" to me.  I've seen it happen! One moment everyone is laughing and carrying on ,then a clip will get shown, and the table will go silent.  We just watch, take it in, maybe shed a single tear, give a nod, and continue on.   

  Now if you decide to come on out, I suggest you follow my strategy.  Send a text to see who's going and who gets off of work first.   Whoever does, hustles to the bar to make sure that we get a table.  Because you know Q does not stand up! I prefer to sit and pose! Then, if you're the first one there you have the "wait of shame", where you have to sit by yourself and fight off bitchy queens, oldie dirties, and annoying twinks that want to take the chairs from the table, block your view, or attempt to pick you up. It's even worse if you have to pee.  If you leave, your spot is gone! After the wait is over, the others usually start arriving and the fun begins, Regine, the resident bar mistress who has been taking care of for way too many years, comes by takes the drink orders and the rest is history.  What follows is a lot of singing,  a few arguments over who sang it better, a couple of Patti versus Bernadette, dancing, friend making, maybe some making out,  and, for some, DRINKING!  Even if you've never seen a show in your life, I'm pretty sure you will find some way to have a good time.

    Now, I'm not saying screw live theatre and don't go and actually see a show.  Nothing can replace the real thing.  Think of this as a quick fix till you get a chance to. I'm also not saying  "go all ye Christians and put down your bibles." I'm just saying go out and see a show and pick up a cast recording. You might be surprised.  Besides, doesn't all art come from the divine?

Showtune of the day: "Another Hundred People" from Company

watch it here!

  Ok kids1   I'm finished for the day1 As usual, I thank everyone that is following and subscribing.  Don't forget to spread the word and share with your friends.  I'm very excited for what I have in store for the blog and you all so hang in there.

Till next time!

-Q

You Gotta Gimmick A Gimmick- Q's adventures in Burlesque!

   I guess burlesque will always hold a special place in my heart!  My very first professional show was in the North Carolina Theatre's production of "Gypsy". Many years ago, like chubby fat Q years ago! Back then my family was living in a small shitty tobacco farming town in North Carolina, so my mother would drive me an hour to Raleigh, North Carolina for rehearsals and performances pretty much everyday, sometimes I would have to get dropped of on two show days and the actress that played Mazeppa made sure that I was taken care of. Yes, I was baby sat by an actress dressed as a trumpet welding dominatrix stripper! 

   For those unfamiliar with the show. "Gypsy" is loosely based on the life of the famous burlesque performer Gypsy Rose Lee.Q is too lazy to write what Gypsy is about so click here!

   My favorite number in the show is the act two showstopper "You Gotta Get a Gimmick" sung by Tessie, Mazeppa, and Electra. I remember watching this number every night and singing and bumping and grinding along.  Who knew it would about 18 years before I would actually go to a burlesque show.

   After receiving the text from Sina, my high energy hottie bestie!, that I would be going to Kitty Nights Burlesque @ Bar on A, I spent an agonizing amount of time trying to decide  on what to wear and finally made it downtown to meet my partners in mischief for the evening.    Shortly after arriving, we were greeted by the sexy and chic BooBess. The best way I can describe her is like a hottie librarian. Tight pencil skirt, heels, proper fitted blouse, hair pinned back, with that sexy,"I've got a secret!" look...very kitty with a whip! She tells us that if we want a good seat we better get to the other room, the show is about the start.   What followed was an hour of music, humor,comedy, and sexy burlesque! I wanted to see more!

  It wasn't the sleazy experience I was expecting.   It was a celebration of the female and male body, of art, and acceptance.  The energy was one of community,freedom, and sensuality! That's really the best way I could sum up what I experienced.  If you are in the NYC area, check out "London Britches Falling Down" presented by Siren Song Burlesque and hosted by the phenomenal BooBess & Kat Mandu! The show will be at the Delancey on August 31, starts at 9:30pm and there is a $8.00 cover.  Go to the show and get a master class on loving your body and being sexy!

  That's all for today kids! Thanks for checking out my blog and don't forget to subscribe, follow, and share!  Let's keep growing! Oh and don't forget to follow me on twitter! @QtheBowtiedOne.

 " If ya wanna make it. Twinkle while ya shake it!"

"If ya wanna grind it. Wait till you refine it!"

"If ya bump it. Bump it with a trumpet!"

"Get yourself a gimmick and you to will be a star!"

-from "You Gotta Get a Gimmick"-Gypsy

You Gotta Get a Gimmick 2003 bway 

Screw the bedbugs! BEWARE THE LEECHES!

   If you live in NYC you can't go anywhere without being reminded of the ongoing threat of bedbugs. I'm not going to explain what they are, here's a link: bedbugs?

   But, as i was sitting here watching my blood being filtered by a machine, I'll get on my organ donation soapbox later, I was reflecting on the conversations I've had with my friends and realized that there is a huge epidemic taking over the city just like bed bugs. I'm talking about leeches! Not the kind that live in water and attach and suck your blood; once used to treat medical conditions. I'm talking about the human kind.  

    Beware these leeches are sneaky and come in many disguises, your friends, family, co-workers, anyone.  They come in like a vampires drain your patience, your charity, time, energy, dignity, and respect! But wait there's more!  Some have this ability to make you feel guilty for demanding  the respect and gratitude you deserve and then refuse to accept the consequences that are of result of the situation that they, not YOU have put themselves in.

   So Q, what does one do if they find themselves dealing with a leech? 

     Well, the first step is summon your inner Claire Huxtable ( if you're new to my blog you got some catching up to do!)  Then you need to take a moment and have a chat with your leech. Be prepared, they may yell, cry, call you names, or just be stone cold quiet. Let them know how you are feeling and then give them a deadline to leave, get a job, clean their mess, get their ass in gear, whatever they need to do at that moment.  Make sure they are aware of what will happen if these changes aren't made. Be very clear that you will no longer accepting whatever behavior that has been really ticking you off. You will be treated with the respect and gratitude you deserve. And finally, stick to your guns. Do not back down.  I was told to never make promises or ultimatums that you don't intend on keeping.   

  Please don't let your emotions get the best of you and just go off.  You catch more flies with shade and honey than with vinegar.  Say what you need to say in a calm manner and get it done.  If the leeches are truly friends they will might get angry but will realize that this is for their own good. If they pitch a fit and attack you. maybe you need to evaluate your relationship.   If this a work situation, please follow the proper channels as set by your place of employment. No sense in getting fired because your give a damn broke!

QtheBowtiedOne has spoken!
   Thanks to everyone that has shown their support for my blog and please don't forget to follow on here, subscribe to it, share it with your friends, and follow me on twitter @QttheBowtiedOne!

Hopefully Ever After

   So I had a hell of a day yesterday and feeling really down. You know how it goes, you try to sleep and close your eyes but the mind is still racing and you finally give up.  So I sat there in bed feeling a bit sorry for self, cried a few tears, muttered a few why me's, then popped a Valium.  Well, that didn't work so I thought to myself MUSICAL.  I needed to escape for a hour or two.  So in goes Bob Fosse's "Sweet Charity".   Not only does this film have great singing, dancing, acting, and (of course) direction and choreography, it also tells a story of a woman who basically gets shit on the throughout the entire film and in the end finds the strength to just keep going and not let it get her down.   In fact the movie ends with, " And she lived HOPEFULLY ever." 

   Watching the adventures of Miss Charity Hope Valentine  helped me realize that no situation is hopeless and feeling sorry for yourself sitting in doom and gloom accomplishes nothing.   Are you living hopefully ever after or hopelessly?   Think about it.

   "Have you ever had one of those days that was just perfect?  Well I have.   This wasn't it! This definitely wasn't it! But, there's always tomorrow..." - Charity Hope Valentine from "Sweet Charity"

Showtune of the moment: I'm the Bravest Individual (Reprise) from "Sweet Charity"
Here is a link to one of my favorite numbers! The Rich Man's Frug! I wanna be the featured dancer chick in the middle for halloween!

 Rich Man's Frug: The Aloof
If ya have never seen it, get it, watch it , get the soundtrack,  you'll love it. Just forgive the first number of the show "My Personal Property".   It makes me wanna rip my ears off and it gets stuck in your head.  It's like herpes...the gift that keeps on giving!

Shade. Embracing the subtle and not so subtle art of shade

It gives relief from the sun. And when one queen casts it at another--or at a straight heckler--it raises eyebrows and makes the corners of the lips twitch. You might say shade's a subtler form of dishing, a mode of repartee with a black accent whose connotations are more ironic and notably more nuanced than what's usually meant by the largely straight term "dis (as in the verb 'disrespect')." Like so many terms from gay slang--black, white, and down to camp itself--shade is shot through with the idea of irony; and irony, literary theorist René Welleck tells us, is the aspect of those phrases and rhetorical figures which we are not sure how to respond to--where language opens up, through a moment's hesitation, into an explosion of potentialities, some appalling, some unimaginably wonderful, and all of which seize power for the speaker and, however momentary, articulate wildly subversive possibilities.
--From "Introduction: Shade..." by Samuel R. Delany

---

You hear me talk about shade a lot and what you read above is my favorite scholary defintion of the meaning of shade.  Although, the explanation above refers to the gay community, I would like to point out that shade does not discriminate and doesn't have to be done with any accent.  Although I feel when delivered with proper grammar it packs more of a punch.   I have been taught many lesson in shade by quite a few straight women and men.  I live for the shade thrown by my best friend who sings like Ethel merman and Patti Lupone haad a love child, and throws shade like an old black woman.  But, remember throwing true shade is not being an out right bitch.  Anyone can be a bitch.  Giving shade is an art.  The target may not even realize they got it till a few minutes or even hours later and when they feel that lil sting.  You will feel aflutter in your heart and a slight smile will form, and somewhere a shady little angel will get it's wings!

   So instead of just ripping someone a new *hole, try cooling them off with a little bit of shade.

Right me back folks!  I want to here some examples of shade you've given or received!

Summon your inner Mrs. Huxtable! Welcome to the shade!

    I have been sitting in front of this computer screen for about two hours trying to figure out what my very first blog posting should be about and nothing was coming to me.    So i turned on the telly and like an angel sent by God she appeared! Claire Huxtable.   She possesed humor, style,wit, and the abilitiy to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done with just the right amount of bitchiness and grace.   In fact, my friends have taken to calling me Mrs.Huxtable. 
     So back to my blog!  I'm going through a lot right now and I feel as if my life is at a crossroads.   I find myself struggling with my emotions, job, relationships, and life and I've decided that now is the time to summon my inner Mrs. Huxtable and start taking care of business.   And you know what...it's working!  I find myself unafraid to say whats on my mind, to try new things, to take risk, to be honest with others and myself.   I encourage everyone who feels over or underwhelmed to find their inner Mrs. Huxtable.   Choose a characteristic of her that will help see you through what you need to do at the moment. 
   I wish I could give you a true description of what this blog will be about but, fat chance! I'll prolly laugh at people, cry a bit, bitch a little, be a lil bit nasty and raunchy who knows! If ya want to know my opinion on something ask me! Need information ask me.  I don't claim to know everything but i sure can get answers!  at the end of the day this is all about living, laughing, and loving.  So let's get started and welcome!
"It's showtime folks!"
Showtune of the Moment: Use What You Got from The Life
Bowtie rating for this day 3.5 of 5bties